We use words like good and bad as a result of acculturation and lack of questioning. We place quick labels on children (well behaved/ misbehaved) because it makes us feel more in control and it gives us a (false) sense of empowerment: if we can label it, we can do something about it.
Children are fundamentally GOOD. Even when they display the most undesirable behaviors, children are actually VERY GOOD.
I would even propose that the so-called “bad behaviors” are fundamentally GOOD.
Behaviors (good or bad) are nothing else but pure information- just like the weather. Through behaviors (good or bad), a child communicates about his current emotional state and immediate needs that require attention. Usually, a child who “misbehaves” is a child who feels disconnected, scared, alone, ashamed, angry, etc. and can’t verbalize his needs properly. A parent’s responsibility is to decode such behaviors and respond with a generous dose of listening, which leads to creating safety, which leads to re-connection.
Save this article for difficult days. Use this article as a reminder, when you feel triggered, that your child needs you to connect, not correct.
***If you are a divorced parent, or are considering divorce, please consider taking this course: CONSCIOUS CO-PARENTING: 5 PRINCIPLES TO FIND YOUR PEACE.***
It will help you change your perspective so you can give your child the support he/she needs.