In his wonderful book, Healing Developmental Trauma, the author Laurence Heller, PhD., writes:

“When children face this impossible bind between attachment and separation-individuation, they must choose between staying connected to themselves and staying connected to the attachment relationships. As children develop, this core dilemma is experienced as a conflict between that which is real within us (authentic Self) and that which we have to do in order to survive (adaptive Self). It leaves children, and later as adults, with the feeling “I can either be my authentic Self or I can be in relationship, but not both. Many children have profound existential fear that they will lose their attachment if they express their authentic needs and feelings”.

This is WHY we need to become conscious parents; so we don’t unconsciously sacrifice a child’s authentic Self as a result of us not knowing how to contain their needs and feelings.

A CONSCIOUS PARENT is:

• self- aware
• trauma-informed
• relationship-centered
• connection-based (via listening, playing and containing)
• accountable to him or herself
• able and willing to repair
• a life-long learner
• a leader of the family.