“It is always easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.”
(Alfred Adler)

I hosted the Women’s Circle on April 4 and thanks to the wise women who attended, we had a BEAUTIFUL experience together… too good to keep it to myself, therefore I will share the highlights here (also in the video below):  

1. Separation of Tasks
Alfred Adler, psychologist & psychiatrist contemporary of Freud and Jung,  emphasized that much of human suffering stems from confusion about what belongs to us and what belongs to others. He strongly believed that to stay mentally healthy, we must recognize which “tasks” (responsibilities, emotions, choices) are truly ours and which belong to someone else.

2. This Is Not My Burden
Women especially are conditioned to be fixers, saviors and ultra-empaths. Women have a tendency to want to prove how much they love someone by taking on others’ “issues” as their own. It makes most women feel loyal, loving, nurturing, motherly, and useful. In actuality, the most important task of any human must be deciding what IS their task, and what ISN’T. For example, a husband/boyfriend drinks too much, eats too much,  makes too little money, is addicted to substances, lies a lot, or flirts too much.. whatever it is… unless that woman is CLEAR about the extent of her “help/ support”, she will take on the burden of rescuing her partner from the destructive behavior. This dynamic is very often masked under:

• I love you no matter what
  
• Till death do us part
• We are in this together
• I know you can do this
• I can see your potential
• You are better than this
• All you need is extra motivation
• etc. etc. etc.

We all know where this is going; it never works if the other person doesn’t want the change, equally or more.  Same challenge takes place when we want to alleviate the suffering of someone from our family of origin, such as mom, dad, sister, brother, extended family member whom we love very much.

3. The Power of Listening Without Advising
I’ve been teaching listening tools for a few good years now, thanks to my certification from Hand in Hand Parenting. People want and need to be listened to by another human being. Through “limbic resonance”, people WILL find their own way and  their own answers. Our advice will not make a dent anyway, so let’s spare the talking and instead, offer our full undivided attention and presence as the other person is sharing their suffering. We can feel and express empathy without fixing, saving or advising/ judging. I know I made this mistake and I ‘ve learned to stay in my lane. When people are ready to change, they seek their coach, mentor or sponsor.

RECOMMENDED BOOK:
The Courage to Be Disliked, by  Ichiro Kishimi &  Fumitake Koga

SAVE THE DATE FOR NEXT WOMEN’S CIRCLE:
MAY 10, at 10:00 AM EST.  DM-me if you want to be invited.