On March 20-th, we celebrated the Spring Equinox 2023, which marked the beginning of the new year from an astrological perspective. This is a good moment for all of us to look at our lives and reassess our TRUTH.
We lie to ourselves A LOT. We do this unwillingly, unconsciously and solely for the purpose of self-protection. It is a learned response in early childhood in order to cope with non- supporting emotional environments. The truth is too painful to bear, and so, we prefer to pretend, to look away, to hope, and when all else fails, to blame others ( victimization).
Close relationships are the most fertile ground for personal growth: parenting, romance and close friendships. Our deepest wounds, SHAME and Fears will show up here. The “other” person will reflect back at us what we need to work on. I’ve been teaching this principle for many years, and it never fails to amaze me how much more I still need to learn about myself.
This is how TRUTH (in this context) works:
Judgement of another person is nothing more than unconscious self-judgement. When I judge someone else, I must look at myself first, and do the work of self-awareness. (This is my work, my responsibility).
People who trigger us are mirrors of ourselves. We can look in the mirror, or we can look away- the mirror will keep reflecting the exact same thing, in different ways, in the future. (This is your/ their work, your/ their responsibility).
SHAME is at the core of self-betrayal. We can’t stay true to ourselves when we feel undeserving and broken. Most women (and men) grew up feeling not good enough (to receive love, kindness, compassion, money, success, etc). Because this belief is hard to acknowledge and change, mechanisms such as victimhood, passive-aggressiveness, so-called ‘self-sacrifice’, grandiosity and false importance take over.
Personal growth is HARD. We usually look in the mirror only when we feel pretty.
Whatever is going in your life right now, please remember that blaming others does NOTHING for your evolution. It keeps you stuck where you are.
Self-compassion and compassion for others is how we move forward. There is no other magic pill. The more we understand ourselves and others, the quicker we can accept our flaws, and others’. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
How does all this relate to conscious parenting?
- Children develop their sense of Self based on how we respond to their emotional states.
- Parents can’t be emotionally available from a place of shame, guilt, or not good enough-ness.
- Children don’t need perfect parents; they need conscious parents (self-aware, humble, curious, compassionate, playful and present).
“I’m starting with the man in the mirror,
I’m asking him to change his ways,
And no message could’ve been any clearer,
If they wanna make the world a better place,
Take a look at yourself and then make a change.”
(Man in the Mirror, Michael Jackson)
- What change do you want to make in your parenting?
- Are you confused and overwhelmed about where to start?
- Did you ‘ try everything’ and nothing worked?
Join today. Book a call with me now – click here.
From working with Mihaela, I get understanding, hope, and compassion for my kid. I understood that in order to be a better mother I need to heal, constantly and with commitment work on myself, have compassion for myself… I also get the tools to build a stronger relationship and thus create a positive attachment with my 13 year old daughter. Last but not least, I get the opportunity to constantly grow and go through situations in the weekly coaching calls that are a priceless resource. In these 2 years alone, I would have paid at least 9,000 $ for the 60 coaching sessions I had so far. Thank you Mihaela, from the bottom of my heart in the name of our family.