We celebrate Thanksgiving in the USA on November 28, 2024.  Some argue that this is the most important holiday in the United States (more important than Christmas)… and for good reasons: Thanksgiving is not a religious holiday; instead it appeals to a human ideal, universally shared across religions, races, and languages: being in GRATITUDE for Life.

What Is Gratitude?

Gratitude is one the most researched, observed and studied human emotion, and yet not one definition can encompass the complexity of what it means and what it takes to feel grateful.

Robert Emmons, Ph.D, professor of psychology at University of California, Davis, and perhaps the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, argues that gratitude has two key components:

“First, it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received.
Second, we recognize that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves. […] We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.”

In his research, Emmons emphasizes the connection between gratitude and social connections:

“I see it as a relationship-strengthening emotion,“ writes Emmons, “because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.”

Thanksgiving vs Gratitude

Thanksgiving is a unique holiday. It brings families together, in many cases, just this one time a year. It functions as a reminder to appreciate the “goodness in our lives” , and to acknowledge that we are the recipients of gifts that come from higher powers (some call it God, others the Divine, others the Universe). For sure, we are not doing it alone. So, in that sense, Thanksgiving reminds us to stay humble in the face of our human-ness.

Thanksgiving is not the day when we “become” grateful, or teach our kids to be grateful. The show we display on social media; the perfect dinner table with the gratitude quotes on the napkins; the public recognitions we post about the family, the kids, the wife, the husband, the health, the house… this is not gratitude; at best, it’s cultural conditioning and misinterpretation of historical facts.

How To Make Thanksgiving/Gratitude a State of Mind

• Make it a daily practice to express gratitude for what you already have. This is called “count your blessings”. Do it in writing.
• Keep a daily gratitude journal.
• Express gratitude to your partner every day for the little things he/she does.
• Express gratitude to your kids every day for who they are ( not what they do, or grades they get).
• Volunteer. Donate your time to a cause you believe in.
• Get educated on the topic. Read. Listen to podcasts. Get the science.
• Stay humble.
• Give more, expect less.
• Turn difficulties into growth and personal development.
• Take responsibility for your life. Go from victim to victor.
• Do your work in therapy. Find a support group if necessary.

Past articles I wrote about Gratitude:

• How to Raise Grateful Kids (click here)
• Gratitude for Conscious Parents (click here)
• 100 Days of Gratitude: What I’ve Learned (click here)
• Happiness & Parenting: The PERMA Model (click here)

Resources I recommend to get more educated on the science of gratitude:

The NeuroMindfulness Institute: Be Well Workbook 2024
Greater Good Magazine & Science Center @Berkeley
Positive Psychology Magazine