What is love? What is fear?
For millennia, poets, philosophers, psychologists and artists have tried to define, describe and teach us how to love.
In parenting, Love and Fear are the strongest two forces.
They are the two faces of the same coin.
Everytime we don’t fully accept our child, we are in fear; and love and fear cannot coexist.
How do Love and Fear play out in everyday life parenting?
- This dynamic plays out unconsciously. All parents, when asked, say they love their children unconditionally.
- Parents have a wealth of life experiences, personal traumas, lessons learned, and they genuinely want to protect their children from getting hurt in life.
- Each child comes into this world with a unique tapestry of personality traits, natural inclinations, preferences, desires, emotionality, different levels of tolerance to stress, and needs.
- Usually, Child and Parent “do not match” in these preferences, and parents wish things were different. Examples are: “I wish my kid was more organized; tougher; more social; less social; less aggressive; etc… I wish my kid liked Math more; read more; watch less TV; pay more attention in class;, etc…” Does this sound familiar?
- Parents, when rested, not stressed, and “in a good mood” – are able to accept these differences and let it go.
- Parents, when tired, stressed, and overwhelmed by life, snap out. Their dormant fears come to life. We call these mental events “triggers”.
- Triggers are blessings in disguise if we choose to pay attention to them and unravel them.
- When you catch yourself being triggered by your child’s way of being or actions, ask yourself: WHAT’S MY BIGGEST FEAR, REALLY?
- Work with each and every fear that comes up. Write it down. Stay with it. Make it your friend. It has a message for you.
- The work of becoming self-aware is the work of conscious parenting. It’s hard.
- Your child doesn’t need any fixing, shaping and remodeling.
- Children need consistent support, emotional coaching, presence, listening and connection.
We’ve just done our first session and I can already feel this was money best invested.
I have the feeling your program is going to be awesome for our family. Thank you!” (mom of 2)
I will be attending the 7th Annual Vital Voices Mentoring Walk on March 5-th. Please consider signing up as a MENTEE, either in person ( in Miami) or on Zoom. If you can’t afford the ticket, contact the organizers for a scholarship. All details here.