When babies are born, they are loved and cherished beyond imagination. Babies are beautiful, small, helpless and powerless; totally dependent on mom and dad. Babies become the center of the family. They get attention, eye gazing, and co-sleeping (*I can’t generalize this one- I am well aware that ‘sleep training’ starts very early in the United States). Secure attachment and connection are a priority for most parents. Babies are one with the parents, and vice-versa. A beautiful symbiosis.
As babies grow into toddlers, then school-age kids, then pre-teens… something puzzling happens along the way. Naturally, a child develops into a separate Self, in many cases very different from his/her parents. The child learns to voice personal opinions, needs and preferences. The child violates rules and boundaries. The child may become rude, inconsiderate, ‘ungrateful’ and prone to self-isolation (locking themselves in their room for hours, for example).
These behaviors can drive a parent crazy, to the point of desperation and giving up. However, today I remind all of us that we can’t give up on our kids, they need us exactly when they are at their worst:
- when they fail in school
- when they lie
- when they steal
- when they hide their phone
- when they sleep with their phone.
Children get to this point of disconnection from their parents OVER TIME, through repetitive interactions that are unsupportive (one way or another). The last thing we want to do is “to blame it on the child” and not to attempt to repair the relationship.
At the height of their internal disorientation, young children and teenagers feel very lost; also, very disinterested in making a change. I cannot stress enough the idea that this is exactly when a parent can’t give up, despite the emotional toll. Repairs can be miraculous- with the necessary tools and practices.
- Where are you now in your parenting?
- How old is your child? What problems are you facing?
- If you could go back in time, what would you do differently?
- What are you doing now to repair the lost parts of the relationship?
- What do you need today to have a more connected parenting relationship?
Email me. Dm-me on social media platforms. I want to hear from YOU. You are not alone. Join my Program and my community of conscious parents. Here’s what a mom has to say: