As we are rapidly approaching Christmas/ Hanukkah/ Kwanzaa/ Winter Holidays break from school and work, I want to propose a MANIFESTO that all moms, dads and caregivers can adopt during this time of the year. Parents need to remember what really matters in the midst of the chaos that inevitably arises as we plan parties, family dinners, trips, grandparents coming and going, co-parenting and time sharing.

MANIFESTO TO MY CHILD:

Dear ……..:

I am as excited as you are for the winter holidays coming up !
I already know that I will feel overwhelmed, exhausted and unsupported.
I will want to give up many times over, but I will keep going because that’s what parents do.
Therefore, my promise to you is that:

• I will always remember that your psychological safety is above any other “emergency”.
• I will honor your emotional states by holding space, and validating whatever you are feeling in the moment.
• I will make time for Special Time, despite the chaos in the house. Our Special Time is sacred for me.
• I will not force you to kiss, hug or “love” your uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, neighbors, etc, if you refuse to do so.
• I will prioritize my sleep (7 hours / night); I will eat nutritious foods; and I will find time to move my body every day so my nervous system can stay regulated when you have a tantrum.
• I will stay present, attuned and non-judgemental towards your meltdowns, because you are a child, and I expect you to have multiple meltdowns. This will not take me by surprise.
• I will not take your “bad behavior” personally. I know you are asking for connection when you go off track with your behavior.
• I will not overschedule your days with activities. I know you are a child, and children need A LOT of downtime, and unstructured play, especially in chaotic and over-stimulating circumstances.
• I will play with you and be silly together. I will take the less powerful role when we play.
• I will not tickle you (ever!) to provoke a laugh, and I will stop anyone else in the family who attempts to tickle you.
• I will intervene and set limits to the adults around you who will make comments about your personality, your looks, or your skills.
• I will make sure that you get enough sleep and playtime outside.
• I will set limits when you go off track by containing your emotions, keeping you and everyone else safe, and allowing you to offload, because I know how your limbic system works. Once you safely offload stored emotions, your rational thinking comes back online, and you go back to your natural state of curiosity, creativity and desire to learn & collaborate. You are a good child and I am a good parent.
• I will always show you my love through my actions and reactions. They speak louder than words.
• I love you, Mom/Dad.