conscious parentingBack to Basics: Conscious Parenting 101

30 April 2022

Thank you for being here, in this wonderful community of parents. As modern parents, we are increasingly busy. Post -pandemic, we are becoming even busier with in-person meetings, driving places again, travelling, family reunions, changing jobs, welcoming new babies, etc.

Let’s pause for a moment and go back to basics! What does Conscious Parenting entail?: Here’s my 101 rundown:

  1. If you are struggling in your parenting, the magnifying glass must be on you (not the child).
  2. You may think “something is wrong” with your child, but the investigation must start with you. Self-Awareness is key in this process.
  3. The child is a perfect mirror of the parent. This mirror shows us what we need to heal, resolve and integrate in our own psychology.
  4. The child is the ultimate “product” of the parenting style/relationship over the course of the child’s life.
  5. All children are born with a deep sense of self-worth, self-respect, self-esteem, self-confidence, desire for learning and creativity/imagination. If a child lacks positive self-regard in any of these aspects, parents must be humble enough to ask themselves “How did I and the environment I created contributed to this result”? This is not to fall into shame or guilt, but to correct course and repair the relationship.
  6. Children need to be seen and unconditionally accepted when they are at their worst. It’s easy to love them when everything is OK and things go the way we want. We MUST pay attention to how we treat our children when their grades are low;  when they are rude; when they forget to clean after themselves; when they quit a sport; when they “disappoint” us. (NOTE: Disappointment comes from expectation. Expectations are bound to lead to disappointment. Are you consciously aware of your expectations placed on your kids?)
  7. Emotions and behaviors are pieces of information. They communicate something, usually a need of the child.  Emotions are neither good or bad; negative or positive. They are neutral expressions of internal communication that a young child can’t express in words (under 12 y.o. at least). Raging anger is as “positive” as joy or delight. Frustration is as “good” as enthusiasm. Emotion-coaching is a parent’s job, not a child’s.
  8. Self-care is as important as child-care. Parents need a healthy body, a healthy mind, a solid support system around them, and regular time alone.
  9. A child needs one conscious, safe parent to grow up healthy and integrated. If you are co-parenting with a difficult ex, don’t lose faith. Get stronger with the help of a coach or therapist. You will need more tools in your toolbox, but you can do hard things.
  10. This is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a long journey. We make mistakes, we learn, we look inward, and we repair. We grow. We get wiser and more humble. In the process, we must keep educating ourselves. We learn to prioritize Presence and Connection with our children, and everyone else around us.
  11. Conscious Parenting is the gateway to Conscious Living. Are you ready?